Out of the Shadows Indeed

Serendipity came knocking at my door this week on three occasions. One of these is still in the works and, as such, I won't bother sharing until there is something post. The others, however, are live right now and available to all.

Birthfathers Recognized is a project that has only recently begun to create an open dialogue among and with birthfathers. While the site is still in its infancy, it has the possibility to be a significant venue and resource for demystifying the first father experience and giving current and future first fathers a place to plug in and find some resources and support. It is exactly what I wish had existed when Athena and I were making our adoption plan. Currently the site plan will have a place for birthfathers to tell their stories in their own words, and will also have a forum. Here's the really great part; the forum is open to anyone. The forum is there to foster open communication. Unfortunately the site doesn't pop up much on most search engines yet. So if you know a birthfather or someone who may be part of an adoption plan, please point them toward this site.

Earlier this week on Shareable, I noticed a word on their front page one rarely sees. Empathic. That's not a word encountered much on this side of the pond (here in the States), but its cousin empathetic may be more familiar. It happens to be one of my favorite words, and favorite concepts. Perhaps you can imagine my surprise when I found, in the article on Shareable, an entire blog and social change agenda devoted to empathy and the art of living. But enough with the preamble.

Check out Roman Krznaric's talk at the RSA on The Six Habits of Highly Empathic People. His speaking, writing, and his blog Outrospection are great. He has some valuable perspective on how we cam to be where we are as a society, why empathy is scary, how ideological change can change society, and ways we can actually practice to get better at empathizing with others.

If you wonder why I'm posting this here, or what all of this has to do with adoption, please go to his blog and watch the video (also available on YouTube).

Fathers' Day

I may reflect more on my experience of Fathers' Day later. That's not what this post is about. As, no doubt, many of you are aware the Saturday before Mothers' Day has been declare (if unofficially) Birthmothers' Day, I thought I'd personally call for today to be Birthfathers' day.  The Birthmothers' Day celebration this year was an exceptional event. Our local branch of Catholic Social Services did a really nice job commemorating the joy, loss, and general intensity of Birthmotherhood as reflected in the mirror of a traditional Mothers' Day celebration. It was complete with fruit cocktail and unappetizing bagels. I'd like to mark today as special for recognizing the joy, loss, and intensity of Birthfatherhood.

Honoring Birthfathers Today

Make a call. Send a text message. Write an e-mail. Post a card.

Tell a birthfather you appreciate him.

But please, don't say "congratulations" or "happy" unless you know it will be well received. This is going to be a difficult weekend for many men. I recommend the terms honor, celebrate, recognize, and appreciate instead.