tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9171749502502490378.post8267375713119972187..comments2023-09-10T08:35:17.240-04:00Comments on Statistically Impossible: Reflection: 1st Day, The Big NewsI amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13182867182942654599noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9171749502502490378.post-5565646990604262572010-06-27T12:01:40.367-04:002010-06-27T12:01:40.367-04:00Hmmm, what do I remember? I remember first having ...Hmmm, what do I remember? I remember first having some symptoms that sounded like classic pregnancy symptoms and totally rejecting the possibility it could be real. I did ask my mother what it was like for her and as soon as she started describing how she had felt before I was born I knew. I knew I was pregnant in a way I wouldn't accept yet. <br /><br />We went to buy the test and I was extremely freaked out. I felt so bombed out as soon as I paid for the e.p.t. I bolted out the door without my change or anything. Just holding it in my hand felt like I was admitting a possibility that was not possible, that I did not want to be possible. So we get home and he takes a nap. I of course have the test so I can't wait and I practically dive into the bathroom to find out. It didn't take the full time for the results to appear. It never did for any of all the pregnancy tests I took. My results were always very fast and very positive. <br /><br />I stared in horror because there was no room to misinterpret. I actually shook it like an etch a sketch in a pathetic attempt to take it back. To make it not be real. I came out of the bathroom with the test in hand. I looked at the man I loved, crushed with the implications of what I knew and what that might do to us. I stared at him sleeping and I thought "maybe I won't wake him up just yet, I can handle this" and at that moment I woke him up and told him. I couldn't survive another minute without someone to help me; help me breathe, help me cry, help me survive.<br /><br />That's what it was like to find out I was pregnant, for a person who declared on numerous occasions that she never wanted to have children. To be something you never wanted to be and to face the abyss of "what do I do now?" consumed at least the next month or two. When I get overwhelmed I cry and I cried a lot that first trimester.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9171749502502490378.post-42059505291075540432010-06-13T23:14:08.647-04:002010-06-13T23:14:08.647-04:00this is really powerful. I have a feeling I might ...this is really powerful. I have a feeling I might keep saying this, but thank you for sharing your story here.lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15455301696832647867noreply@blogger.com